Mortal Desire Page 15

  ‘Yeah, yeah, ancient one, in your dreams,’ I called over my shoulder.

  ‘Il coraggio, la temperanza, la saggezza, la giustizia, la pazienza, courage, temperance, wisdom, justice, patience,’ I meditated on these five words as I held the blue energy mass of light. It lifted me higher until I experienced my spirit free from my pained body. I wanted to stay captured in this state, away from the aches and pains inflicted upon me by the immortal ones. But as tiredness overcame me, I re-entered my body and felt the heaviness of the bone, muscle, blood and organs that were anchored to the Earth by gravity.

  I forced my eyes open and watched the blue mass of light ascend to hover above me. There was no message from my mother. I could really do with her comfort and her words of wisdom right now.

  I looked to my left, and saw that the lesser red ball of caution still hovered. The danger was not finished, even though Albert had dealt with the immortals.

  Only one thing remained—Sarah.

  Where was the danger?

  Love could not be a danger could it?

  Oh, I hadn’t mentioned the immortal scar problem to Albert. I would talk to him about it tomorrow.

  Unable to focus my thoughts anymore, I set my mind for healing of my injured body during my unconscious and conscious state before I gave in to the delta sleep zone …

  Guardate su di me con occhi di misericordia, possa la tua guarigione mano resto su di me, possa la tua vita che dà poteri flusso in ogni cellula del mio corpo e nelle profondità della mia anima, la pulizia, purificazione, mi restituendo integrità e forza credo ...

  Look at me with eyes of mercy, may your healing hand rest upon me, may your life giving powers flow into every cell of my body and into the depths of my soul, cleansing, purifying, giving me strength and integrity ...

  CHAPTER SIX

  Rain drummed against the windows when I woke in the muted light of the morning. I took a conscious deep breath for my human body as I always did, and ran my hand through my hair, accidentally bumping the swelling around my eye.

  The stupid thing was, I was a healer, and yet, I could not heal myself. I closed my eyes for a moment, and ran my hand over my chest and abdomen feeling for discomfort from the blows that I received yesterday. I was sore—but it was bearable.

  I managed to stand after encouraging my human form to move. My right leg pained as I put weight onto it. Evan did a good job of landing a ferocious kick to my thigh bone.

  With a limp, I descended the steps, halting when I became aware that I could not smell breakfast cooking as I had for the last four hundred years. Albert probably had some outrageous eating plan that would cheer me up from my feeling of helplessness. He was irrevocably dedicated like that. He always had my best interest at heart.

  I stopped at the bottom step when I saw Albert.

  ‘Buongior—’ I stopped mid sentence of wishing Albert good morning in Italian, and dropped my smile.

  He was still sitting in his reading chair.

  His eyes were open and he stared straight ahead. He did not blink, nor move his eyes towards me to acknowledge my presence. A chill ran down my spine as I noted a knitting needle protruding from his chest.

  I sucked in a huge amount of air when the feeling of suffocation descended upon me like a concrete weight. I struggled to walk forward to him, my legs stiff from fear.

  I stopped by his side, and touched his hand before I fell to my knees with my head bowed.

  He was dead.

  From my chest rose a deep knowing sob of heartbreak.

  Tears ran profusely down my cheeks. I leaned forward and put my head against the floorboards, and slammed my fists down with tremendous power, rattling the cups and saucers in the kitchen.

  I cried from the depths of my being with a thunderous burst. ‘Mio caro Dio, mio Signore, my dear God, my Lord,’ I wept with increasing weakness, before I curled up into the fetal position and rocked myself in deep grief over the departure of my Protector, my Guide, and my Friend.

  ‘Noooooo,’ I wept softly. ‘Noooo ... ’

  I had never known emotional pain as this. And I never wanted to experience it again.

  Numb to the bone I rose before him, and placed my hands over his eyes and closed them. I put my hand over my heart where pain seared through it, and then kissed his forehead, letting my tears fall onto him.

  ‘Che Dio vi benedica e ti protegga, e può ora camminare alla presenza del nostro Dio Onnipotente, per sei stato fedele fino alla fine. May God bless you and keep you, and may you now walk in the presence of our Almighty God, for you were faithful to the end,’ I spoke over him.

  I removed the knitting needle from his chest and opened his shirt exposing the wound.

  I needed to heal his skin so that his death would not be suspicious, although I knew that it was.

  Albert would never have taken his own life … ever!

  I placed my right index finger over the location where the knitting needle had penetrated his chest, and closed my eyes. I breathed in through my nose and projected the white light of healing, the perfect colour, into and around the entry site of the knitting needle. The area warmed and tingled. But once coolness spread to my finger I knew that the healing had been completed.

  I opened my eyes and inspected the area with focused attention. It appeared as though there had never been any injury. I left his body and retrieved an identical clean shirt to the one that he wore, changed his shirts, and threw his bloodied shirt into the fire for incineration.

  I breathed in deeply before I called for a doctor.

  Within minutes he had arrived.

  I stood in the background and watched him examine Albert.

  ‘Had he been unwell, Mr. O’Connell?’ the doctor asked.

  ‘Not that I knew of. My uncle never complained of feeling sick. I do not recall him ever visiting a doctor. Last night though, he did mention that he was feeling his age. He had never said that before,’ I added.

  ‘Well, in my opinion, I do believe that his old age caught up with him Mr. O’Connell. That is the cause of his death. Please accept my condolences for your loss. I will call an ambulance to come for him. They will take him to a morgue to prepare him for burial.’ The doctor placed his hand on my shoulder before he left. I could hear him talking on his cell phone outside the door.

  Whilst I waited for the ambulance, I filled the room with Albert’s favourite piece of music by Samuel Barber, Adagio for Strings, and sat with him. I held his hand in mine in the final moments before his Earthly vessel would be taken away. Although, I knew that he no longer dwelled in the physical form of bones, tissues and blood.

  Once his body had been removed, I sat where he had been and let my emotions come to the fore. It was heavy, and deep, and painful. A sadness that pierced my being.

  Grief.

  This is what the humans called grief.

  And it was truly unpleasant.

  He knew he was about to die, he knew ... yet he could not tell me.

  I covered my face with my hands and sobbed deeply again.

  Was he immortal or mortal when he passed?

  I needed to know because it made a difference—it made a huge difference!

  I stood, lost in the confusion of my thoughts, and somehow phoned work to inform them of my circumstances, and thus my reason for my absence today. Then I wandered around the apartment aimlessly, lost.

  After half of the day wandering from room to room in my apartment, I found myself in my bedroom, sitting on the edge of my bed, feeling empty and alone. I sucked in a deep breath, closed my eyes and lay down with my hands over my heart, and said a silent prayer for the safe deliverance of Albert.

  I opened my eyes in panic. The blue mass of light that had been my constant companion day and night for the last four hundred years was gone. So too, was the red light of caution.

  My heart started to beat wildly out of fear. It was hard to breath, and dizziness entered my head. I closed my eyes again and searched for the conversations wit
h my mother when I was in the spiritual realm, looking for sustenance to calm me.

  ‘Mamma, how will I know when I become mortal?’

  ‘You will have to breathe to stay alive. When you are immortal,

  you don’t need to breathe, you just imitate that action of

  breathing to look like you are an Earth human, making people

  think that you are alive just like them. When you become

  mortal, the blue ball of light will no longer be with you. Your

  Protector will be taken from you and you will be alone, but

  do not be afraid. It will be a day of rejoicing, for you when

  you become mortal, you can die and return to the spiritual

  realm ...’

  ‘Yes Mamma ... But, what happens if I get lost when I am

  mortal?’

  ‘Dreams my child ... we will send dreams to guide you ... and

  remember, books are knowledge ... and knowledge is

  power ...’

  I stilled and let the memory of my mother wash over me. I stopped breathing, testing to see if I was truly mortal. And sure enough, after two minutes, I was gasping for air.

  I closed my eyes and let tears ran down the side of my face. How could I celebrate my mortality when I had lost a great friend who watched over me as a father would?

  ‘Il coraggio, la temperanza, la saggezza, la giustizia, la pazienza,

  courage, temperance, wisdom, justice, patience,’ I whispered to myself, searching for some kind of comfort.

  ‘And love,’ I added.

  Love was what Albert was talking about when he said that he answered my four hundred year old question.

  Love was the key to open the gate for me to become mortal—it was caring for someone more than you cared for yourself. I would have died to protect Albert, and I was willing to be the sacrifice instead of Sarah.

  I had found the key, only for it to open my heart up to the vulnerability of human emotions.

  Love was euphoria, but with it came pain, the pain of loss.

  ‘Only for a short while Liam, and then we will be reunited

  again ...’

  ‘Yes mamma ...’

  I rolled over onto my stomach and stared out the window at the dull grey lifeless day. It was exactly what I was feeling inside right now. I wondered when the sun would shine, literally, and metaphorically.

  Time—it would take time—a time for sadness, and a time for happiness.

  Now was the time for sadness, a parting of our souls, just for a short while … and then we would meet again.

  Tiredness burdened me, and I let sleep sprinkle it’s relaxant over me. Lord knows that I needed my sleep more now that I was mortal.

  Night had fallen when I awoke. Still the emptiness of Albert’s death filled my heart. I wandered to the bathroom to splash cold water over my face to spur me to lift myself out of my grief.

  I walked past the study and saw the laptop flashing. I sighed and walked over to it to shut it down, but noticed three email alerts.

  Open …

  FROM: Sarah Flynn

  DATE: 7 May 10:10

  TO: Liam O’Connell

  SUBJECT: Missing in Action

  Hi Liam,

  You aren’t at work. I hope that you are okay.

  X Sarah

  #Liam’spersonalnurse

  FROM: Sarah Flynn

  DATE: 7 May 13:13

  TO: Liam O’Connell

  SUBJECT: RE: Missing in Action

  Liam,

  Seriously, let me know that you are okay. I am worried about

  you.

  XX Sarah

  FROM: Sarah Flynn

  DATE: 7 May 19:00

  TO: Liam O’Connell

  SUBJECT: RE: RE: Missing in Action

  Liam, Henry, Mr. O’Connell,

  I am beside myself with worry. I am coming over to see you.

  XXX Sarah

  #worrywart

  I ran my hand through my hair and looked at the time on the laptop. 7:15pm. And right on cue, there was knocking on the front door.

  I closed my eyes and hesitated before I started towards the front door. I didn’t know how I felt about seeing Sarah when I felt so low.

  The knocking continued even as I opened the door to her. She looked up at me concerned.

  ‘Liam, are you okay … what has happened?’ she asked. Her eyes searched my face, looking from my bruised eye, to the split on my lip and then into the depth of my eyes. I could not conceal the emotional pain that I felt. I wanted to see her, but I did not.

  I hung my head and closed my eyes. ‘He is dead.’

  ‘Who Liam, who is dead?’

  ‘Albert.’

  Sarah stepped towards me and closed the door behind us, then wrapped her arms around me. ‘No … no … I’m so sorry … when … how?’ she asked in a whispered voice in my ear.

  ‘I woke this morning to find him sitting where I had last spoken to him last night. He said that he was feeling his age Sarah. He was old. I never thought once that he meant that he was going to die …’ I broke apart and sobbed into her shoulder, unable to control the deep sadness within me.

  She didn’t say anything now. She just held me in her arms for a long time. ‘I’m so sorry for your loss Liam. I’m so sorry …’ she whispered again as my sadness lessened a little. ‘I will make some tea. Come to the kitchen with me while I make it,’ she said softly, holding my fingertips and leading me in to the kitchen.

  I followed her like a lost puppy, comforted by her presence.

  I sat opposite her at the table with my hands cupped in front of my lips.

  ‘Thank-you Sarah, thank-you for coming over,’ I managed to say.

  She didn’t speak, but just placed her warm hand over mine and pulled it towards her in a comforting gesture.

  I looked down and shook my head. ‘I have never been without him Sarah,’ I mumbled with sadness. I looked up at her and saw tears in her eyes.

  ‘Death is a very difficult time Liam, no matter what you believe in,’ she said in a quiet voice.

  ‘What do you believe in Sarah?’ I asked. I needed her to believe in a spiritual life after the physical death of the human body. I wanted her to be on the same page as me.

  ‘I believe that you will see him again. You will be united with him in your own death, with the freedom of your spirit that is encased in your human body.’

  I looked into her eyes then, and closed my eyes in relief. I wanted to tell her that I loved her, but not today. She might hear the words of those born out of pain, a wrestling, grabbing at something to hold on to as I swam in the darkness for a while.

  ‘Can I do anything else for you Liam? Help you with plans for the funeral? Let anyone else know of Albert’s passing?’ she asked.

  I shook my head.

  ‘I’d just like you to hold my hand,’ I said.

  A tear rolled down her face. She stood and walked around to me, and held out her hand for me to take. I placed my hand in hers, and she led me to the sofa where we sat in silence, with our hands connected.

  I rested my head on her shoulder. She put her arm around me and kissed my forehead. How could silence be so loud in communication?

  Her steady breathing and the warmth of her body lulled me to sleep. When I woke later in the night, my head was resting on her chest, my arms wrapped around her and our legs entangled together.

  I moved slightly, and then felt her fingers move through my hair. She was so soft and warm. I had never been so close to a mortal human before.

  ‘Oh … Sarah,’ I said and I sat up in alarm. I ran my fingers through my hair, embarrassed at falling asleep while she was here to see me.

  ‘It’s okay Liam. There is no need to be sorry,’ she said quietly, touching my arm. ‘I can stay with you tonight if you like, considering ...’

  I looked at her, tempted by her suggestion of company. But, I think I needed alone time now, to sort out the direction of my life.

/>   ‘Thank-you, but …’ I couldn’t find the words to say to her.

  Our eyes connected before she stood and walked to the door and opened it. I followed her, and stood close to her, almost falling into a heap on the floor at the thought of her leaving me.

  ‘Thank-you,’ I managed to whisper.

  She placed her hands on the side of my face and then kissed my lips lightly.

  ‘Ow …’ I responded. I pulled my eyebrows together, and then put my fingers to my damaged lip.

  Sarah placed her hands onto my shoulders and looked into my eyes deeply. ‘Call me, at any time. Okay?’ she said, and waited for my nod before she turned and left.

  I closed the door, turned around, squeezed my eyes shut and put my hands behind my head. The temptation to pull her into my arms and kiss her deeply was hard to resist. I wanted to wrap my body around her and create our own bubble where nothing bad could ever happen.

  Sarah … what are you doing to me?

  I did not go to bed that night. I couldn’t.

  There would be no blue mass of light to connect to the spiritual realm.

  There would be no blue mass of light hovering over me whilst I slept.

  I was alone, truly alone for the first time in four hundred years. And it felt like a punch in the gut. A twisting of a knife in the heart. A smothering over my face making it hard for me to breathe.

  But breathe I must, in order to die …

  CHAPTER FIVE

  A hot cup of tea fuelled me enough to get me to work. I donned my elevator uniform and stood obediently outside Elevator Thirteen, as I had been groomed to do, greeting people politely and helping to remove burdens from their day.

  But my burden remained, hidden behind my mask.

  The day meant nothing to me as I mourned the loss of my Friend, my Protector, my Guide. The serving of people who ventured up and down the building in the elevator were but a smoky haze on my memory, except for two occurrences.

  The first happened at 10am precisely. The elevator doors closed and my lift ascended to the thirteenth floor. When the doors opened, Mr. Bellini stood waiting for me with his hands around his back.